House Guest Etiquette

1. Do not outstay your welcome
Example: Your sister invites you and your boyfriend over for supper on Thursday evening. You don't leave until they drop you home on Sunday.
This is known as outstaying your welcome, or in the vernacular of our times, taking the complete piss. Don't do it. Ever.

2. Do not stay in bed all day
Example: You stay up late, talking and drinking with your hosts. The next day they're up and about before noon but you don't surface until some time after 4p.m. The spare room where you're sleeping is also the study where one of your hosts has her desk, laptop and all the reference papers that she needs to work on her thesis but she can't do any of it, because you've spread all your stuff all over it and mixed up current documents with old stuff.
Doing this two nights/days in a row is liable to end up with your host speaking ill of you for the next fortnight. At least.

3. Offer to cook a meal
Example: Your sister and her husband invite some friends over for dinner on Saturday night. You and your boyfriend invite yourselves along, seeing as you're there anyway. Your boyfriend offers to cook dinner for everyone. This will get you brownie points and probably means that you'll be able to blag another overnighter.
Great! Just for God's sake clean the kitchen after you. Your sister will not appreciate having to spend two hours on Sunday morning cleaning up her kitchen that was clean before your boyfriend started cooking.

4. Don't ask stupid questions
Example: You've just woken up. It's 4p.m. Your sister and her husband are watching a programme on TV. You come into the sitting room and start asking inane questions about the programme that is half way through.
Just sit quietly and watch. You might pick it up. If you don't, it doesn't matter because it's nearly over anyway. Whoever said that there are no stupid questions, just stupid answers was wrong. There are plenty of stupid questions.

If I think of any more guidelines, I'll publish them again. There may be a book in this!