Insomniac ShitList: Bad Habits

(Needless to say, I don't do any of the things listed below!)

Item Seven (added 24 May 2006)
Spitting.
Can you not see how disgusting this is? Why do you persist in hawking up great phlegm wads and firing them at high speed from your mouth to the ground, hopefully (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here, though you hardly deserve it) without being intercepted by any passing pedestrian or one of their personal belongings?
Then there's the big slippery green ooze that looks like someone trod on a slug and left it on the pavement for random pedestrians to stand on, walk through or unwittingly place their bags in. Uuugghhhhh.
The worst offenders here seem to be nasty little chavs, neddies and scrotes (who, it could be argued, will never know better) and fully grown men, often of Asian or Eastern European extraction (who should). Yuck. You all make me sick.
(I notice that I listed Spitting on the ShitList in October 2004 - Item 3 below - but obviously, it still pisses me off to such an extent that I had to list it twice. Double Shit.)

Item Six (added 18 October 2004)
Mainly women guilty of this as far as my observations go - failure to lift one's feet properly when walking and so being followed by an incredibly irritating shuffle noise.
How does it not drive you mental? It makes me crazy, and you're just walking past me. It must be murder on the heels and soles of your shoes. If this is happening because you're wearing very loose slip-ons, flip-flops or sandals, then you're either committing an unforgivable fashion faux pas, you think you're on a beach, or you just can't walk properly, you moron. Whatever else, it certainly does not give you the air of disaffected cool that you are striving for

Item Five (added 15 October 2004)
Bad table manners. This comes under two sub-headings:

5.1: Talking with your mouth full
To para-phrase a famous adage, "If you had any respect for anyone within spitting distance, you'd swallow that". Semi-masticated food is not attractive; nor are your teeth, gums or tounge while you eat. Swallow, then speak

5.2: Use your knife and fork properly
This is a really pedantic thing, I know; but it drives me batty to see people holding their cutlery in their balled-up fists. Knives and forks were invented a long time ago and used by the aristocracy to distinguish themselves from commoners, peasants and animals. These class distinctions are largely ignored by our society these days and pretty much anyone with opposable thumbs is expected to use a knife and fork. Please don't get them mixed up with shovels and other garden implements. They are delicate instruments and should be used as such. Otherwise, we'd all be much happier if you'd just go back to bending your head to the trough and ripping your food apart with your hands

Item Four (added 15 October 2004)
Littering. Oh God, is there no end to the filth you people want to make me deal with? I get especially irritated with people who don't correct their children for dropping their rubbish on the street - you will have your turn against the wall when I am in charge... You and your heathen spawn

Item Three (added 15 October 2004)
Spitting in the street. This is a bit of a double whammy as a good proper street-spit is invariably preceeded by a loud hawking noise. See Item One above for my views on this

Item Two (added 15 October 2004)
Coughing or sneezing without covering your mouth. Uuggghhhhh. I would never have had unprotected sex with a complete stranger (or any sex with a complete stranger), so what makes you think that I would like you to share any of your bodily fluids with me?

Item One (added 15 October 2004)
Loud Snuffling. Please use a tissue and blow your nose. I particularly despise those great big hawking snuffles that are invariably followed by a swallowing noise (often with some chewing in between). I can feel my stomach turning over just thinking about it